The Cubs dismissed G.M. Jim Hendry on Friday — who was tearful and blubbery in his departure (“whaddayou, Jim, some kinda Hollywood finocchio . . .?). But the firing wasn’t exactly a surprise. The Cubs are going nowhere, and a lot of that has to do with the contract decisions that Hendry inked: $136 million to Alfonso Soriano, $91.5 for Carlos Zambrano, $48 million for Kosuke Fukudome and $10 million for a single year to Carlos Pena. The Cubs have started to shed some of that, but they need to do more, a lot more.

Aaron Boone and the BBTN crowd over at ESPN were asked the three things they would do now, if they were the Cubs, and they talked of clubhouse character and finding good talent — all of it good advice. But transforming the Cubs will take more than adding good players at reasonable prices, and saying that the team needs to “change the culture of losing” doesn’t help. What exactly does that mean? So here, unbidden, are our three simple ideas of what the Cubs can do.

First, show some patience. The best pitcher in the Cubs system is now in Tampa Bay — and his name is Chris Archer. The 6-3 righty was traded, with a packet of prospects, for Matt Garza last winter. Garza is plenty good, but Archer could be a lot better. The Cubs will never know, because they got impatient, and Garza looked attractive. This is an almost genetic habit of the North Side Drama Queens. Enough already: develop players and hang on to them. Like they have done (finally, blessedly) with Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney. Listen (you stupid jerks), instead of shipping out Josh Vitters (he can play third, for Aramis Ramirez — who’s going to get injured again, any minute now) and Tyler Colvin, play them. And when they don’t play well, play them anyway . . .

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The word around the Nationals’ clubhouse is that Jayson Werth, struggling through a season-long slump, is finally starting to hit. The Nationals’ everyday right fielder — and headline off-season free agent acquistion — is hitting .306 in his last thirteen games. Indeed, Werth showed some pop at the plate on Wednesday night, sending a typical short-stroke liner into Wrigley Field’s left field bleachers for his fourteenth dinger. But Werth’s home run wasn’t enough to beat the Cubs, who took advantage of their own long ball to down the Nationals, 4-2.

The game’s non-story was Ross Detwiler, the team’s constant experiment on the mound, who pitched (in skipper Davey Johnson’s phrase), “just okay.” Lefty Detwiler gave up three runs and seven hits in five innings of work, the biggest knocks against him coming on long balls from catcher Geovany Soto and journeyman Reed Johnson. Detwiler running buddy Collin Balester (they’re both familiar with how to get from Syracuse to Washington — and back), was less than mediocre in an inning of relief: Balester gave up a home run to Alfonso Soriano to put the game out of reach.

And so it is that the Nationals’ search for more pitching among a group of yesteryear’s youngsters (Detwiler, Balester, Garrett Mock, Shairon Martis, J.D. Martin and Craig Stammen), continues, but without the kind of premium (“he’s a keeper”) results. With the next round of young arms waiting in the wings (Tom Milone and Brad Peacock — and perhaps one or two others), Nationals’ fans are starting to clamor for some new faces, and wondering how long it will be before Rizzo, Johnson & Company run out of patience.

This was a Hail Mary pass if ever there was one. When Mike Rizzo signed Chien-Ming Wang back in February of 2010, there was absolutely no reason to believe that he would someday once again pitch in the majors. Wang was then rehabbing from right shoulder surgery, but it was worse than that: his shoulder was shredded. It was thought then that he could pitch by May of that year: it took him another fourteen months, an extended rehab assignment in the minors and two lousy outings.

But “the Michael Jordan of Taiwan” (as Rizzo described him then), is apparently now all the way back, though baseball gurus say that his shoulder still hurts when he throws a slider. Never mind: he only needs his sinker, as he proved against the Chicago Cubs on Tuesday, throwing six complete innings while giving up only a single hit. Wang’s outing (and homers by Michael Morse and Jonny Gomes) allowed the Nats to best the Cubs at Wrigley Field, 3-1.

Wang was the story of the night. The righty threw 81 pitches, 53 of them for strikes. More importantly, his sinker was working. The former Yankee Cy Young candidate registered eleven groundouts, issued only two walks and struck out one. Unlike his first two outings with the Washington Nine, he was never really in danger.

The return of Wang might be the best late-season news the Nationals have ever had — he symbolizes another solid arm in the mix for 2012 (is there really any question he’ll return?), that will include Stephen Strasburg, Jordan Zimmermann and John Lannan. A Strasburg-Zimmermann-Lannan-Wang rotation (if all are healthy) would give Washington one of the best front fours in the game. The Nationals must be ecstatic: “Real nice job. Outstanding,” pitching coach Steve McCatty said.

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: The North Side Drama Queens are in the middle of a revival of sorts. Prior to Tuesday’s loss to the Nationals, the Cubs had won seven in a row, including a sweep of the Pirates. Don’t let that fool you, the streak only provided hope where little exists . . .

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Wilson Ramos missed a sign in the seventh inning on Wednesday, hitting away while Michael Morse sprinted down the third base line on a called squeeze play. Ramos realized what was happening just in time, fouled off the pitch, then walked up the third base line to consult with third base coach Bo Porter. After taking the next pitch, Ramos got it right — laying down a perfect bunt to score Morse and secure yet another one run victory (a 5-4 win), their third in a row against the cratering Cubs.

Calling for a second squeeze after a blown first one is risky. Which is why Davey Johnson figured the Cubs wouldn’t be ready. “You look at the situation, and all the components actually work to our favor,” Porter said after the victory. “You have a guy who doesn’t run as well at the plate. You have a guy who doesn’t run that well at third base and you don’t really want to send him on contact. And in all of my years of baseball, I’ve always said this: Catchers are normally the best bunters.”

The Nationals win tied them with the New York Mets in the N.L. East and put them two games over .500. But three other story lines emerged on Wednesday: Ryan Zimmerman finally seemed to get on track (3-4, with two RBIs and his fourth homer), the Nats’ line-up busted out for 13 hits (Bernadina, Morse and Ramos had two each), and the Nationals’ bullpen once again came through in the late innings: Ryan Mattheus, Henry Rodriguez and Drew Storen combined to hold the Slugs to one hit and no runs — standard work for a unit that keeps the team in games and the Nats in the win column.

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: Cubbie fans are beside themselves with worry. Bleed Cubbie Blue points out that the North Side Drama Queens are 5-26 when they allow opponents to score in the first inning — which they have done in all three of their losses against the Nationals . . .

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There’s not a game that goes by without the Nationals partisans of Section 1-2-9 talking at length about the Nationals — why they win, why they lose, and what pieces they need to put in place to become champions. Yesterday’s heroic 5-4 win over the Chicago Cubs proved the exception: there were enough Cubs fans in the crowd (subdued, to be sure — at least in comparison to past years), to turn the section’s attention to the North Side Drama Queens. And their prodigious problems.

“They’re awful,” a Cub’s fan (inhabiting a seat usually reserved for a Nats’ regular) said. “They brought this kid [Casey Coleman] up at the last minute because we’re out of pitching.” The Cubbie rooter spent the game shaking his head. “They’ll find a way to lose,” he said in the 7th inning — after the Nationals tied the game. “You watch.” His words were prophetic.

The Cubs not only gave up the lead in the 7th, they worked diligently to lose the game in extra innings. The talisman of Cubbiedom came in the 10th inning, when Cubs’ reliever Marcos Mateo injured his elbow while pitching to Jayson Werth. After Livan Hernandez sacrificed Werth to second, Cubs skipper Mike Quade stalked to the mound and called in closer Carlos Marmol — who was not expected to pitch.

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You had to see last night’s Cubs game versus the Reds to believe it – or maybe not. Twenty-four hours after Cubs manager Mike Quade had a closed door meeting to chew on his team for their lax play, the Cubs came out and handed the game to their opponents, committing four errors in a 7-5 loss in Cincinnati. And so the North Side Drama Queens are at it again: playing shoddy baseball and taking each other apart in public. “The harping was done last night,” Cubs manager Quade said after the embarrassing loss, “and I guess Knute Rockne I’m not.”

Last night’s game was only typical, in a “let’s watch the tsunami” kind of way. With the Cubs ahead 5-3 in the eighth and Kerry Wood on the mound, the Reds put on a rush: Cincy third sacker Scott Rolen doubled and Fred Lewis followed with an infield single. Wood has been in these kinds of situations before, so no worries — right? But when Wood fielded a Ryan Hanigan single, he threw wide of third, with the ball racing down the left field line. Two runs scored. Wood shook his head. Quade shook his head. And Cubs fans buried their faces in their hands. Pinch-hitter Chris Heisey then added a run on a sacrifice fly and Joey Votto added a double for another run. And that was that.

The same kind of thing happened in the bottom of the fourth, when first baseman Carlos Pena missed a ground ball, which was retrieved by second baseman Darwin Barney, who then threw the ball to Cubs’ starter Mat Garza covering first. Garza threw the ball home to catch a runner. But Garza’s ball was “a little off line” — and ended up in the camera well as the band struck up Barnum and Bailey’s Favorite. “The ball just slipped,” Garza said. Cincy fans, soaked and standing in the fog, couldn’t believe their good fortune. They should know better.

The Cubs, who are headed into Boston for the first time in 90-plus years (we have gained permission to attend from our corporate chairperson — and here she is), are unraveling before their fans’ eyes. Alfonso Soriano is leading the way. While Soriano is hitting the leather off the ball (11 home runs), his play in left field has come to define the team: when he’s not lying on his back and watching the ball go over his head (which he did last week), he’s throwing it to the wrong base — or trotting after it indifferently. To say he lacks hustle is an understatement — he doesn’t seem to care.

Last night, Cincinnati announcers were all over him — and Cubs’ G.M. Jim Hendry: “You know,” Fox Sport Ohio broadcaster Thom Brennaman said, “you look at this team and you look at the size of their payroll and it just doesn’t make sense. I mean, who in their right mind would pay some $130 million or more for this team?” That’s right: the Cubs are paying Soriano $14 million to play poorly, are ponying up $13.5 to Kosuke Fukudome –whom they have no intention of keeping — and are in up to their necks with Carlos Zambrano, who will earn (we use the term loosely) $17.8 million this year and $18 million next year. But that’s not the worst of it.

The Cubs have been diligently developing young talent, but apparently haven’t made a commitment to letting them play. Their best young hitter and outfielder is Tyler Colvin, who was sent down the other day to get playing time at Triple-A. The Cubs think it’s more important to play Fukudome, or Reed Johnson or Pena than Colvin — who might be one of the best young prospects in the game. None of them have a future with the team. Colvin does. The move nearly set off riots on the North Side, and now the fan clamor is growing for Quade’s public execution. The only real player of note in this entire crew is Starlin Castro, who is one of the best young shortstops in baseball — and seems to want to win. But you rarely hear that from Quade, who is more interested in defending his big salary players — which leads Cubs fans to think it’ll be more than a few years before they see some fresh new young faces on the North Side.

The word in Wrigleyville is that it was a mistake to hire Quade, when they could have hired Cubs’ Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg, who is more than ready. Everyone, but everyone says Quade is the problem, including Bleacher Report, which blistered the manager for playing favorites among a cast of mediocre players who told Hendry they wanted him (and not Sandberg) as their manager. “What this comes down to is that he is in over his head as the manager of this team,” the BT correspondent wrote. “He thinks things out too much before making out the lineup each day, and over manages to make up for his lack of managerial know-how.” Will the Cubs retrench? Will Hendry recognize the error of his ways, fire Quade and hire disciplinarian Sandberg? Will he? Huh? Will he . . . will he . . . will he? Nahhhhhh . . . but you can be sure that if he did, that would be the day that Soriano watched the game from the bench, and Tyler Colvin started.

On Monday night in Phoenix, Livan Hernandez showed once again why he remains the acknowledged ace of the Washington Nationals staff. In  7.1 innings of solid in-and-out and up-and-down pitching, Hernandez surrendered just five hits to his former teammates in Arizona and the Nationals notched a much-needed road win 3-1. “[Hernandez] was outstanding,” Nats skipper Jim Riggleman said after the win. “I hated that last walk he had, because I was going to let him finish that inning and maybe finish the ballgame. When he’s throwing like that, hitting spots and keeping hitters off balance, it is one of those nights where he can go nine [innings].” Livan’s performance was matched by Nats’ catcher Ivan Rodriguez, whose second inning dinger was his 300th as a catcher. Sean Burnett closed the game, striking out two of the D-Backs last five hitters.

The Wisdom of Section 1-2-9: Sunday’s loss to the Phillies, a contest in which the Nats might have notched a sweep against their I-95 competitors, was emotionally churning, in large part because of the flood of Phillies fans — in town to cheer on their favorites. The tide of Pony partisans left Nats’ fans as embittered on Sunday as they had been at the end of Opening Day. “These people ought to stay the f — home,” a Curly W supporter muttered in the 6th inning. “This is sickening, not necessary,” another said. “Are we required to sell these people tickets?” But unlike Opening Day, the Nats apparently had it all figured out: MASN broadcaster Bob Carpenter kept talking about the “growing rivalry” between the clubs, as if to protect that Nats front office from the decision to fill the seats — no matter what.”It’ll be a rivalry when we put 20,000 fans in PNC Park,” a Nats fan growled, “and not until.” Cooler heads did not prevail: “It’ll turn around,” a Nats fan opined, and was answered by a glum rooter in one of the forward rows. “Yeah, it’ll turn around,” he said, “when the Nats get into the post-season.” There were also mutterings when a fan arrived late, proudly sporting a new Donovan McNabb jersey: “Wrong jersey, wrong ballpark, wrong team, wrong sport . . .”

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: The exchange on the health of “the kid” between CFG and one of our readers has become a torrent. Here’s the latest: “Dear editor: Thanks for your prompt and thoughtful response. Since that give-and-take worked so well, one further suggestion if I might: as the days pass with Saint Stephen on the sideline (now hopefully on the mend), could CFG please regularly update his physical and mental condition as warranted – including any medical info/predictions and gossip picked up from the various sources/websites perused constantly by CFG’s staff.  Many of your readers don’t always have the time to collect this valuable information — and rely on you to provide it. Please don’t lose track of the essential truth of this situation:  the fate of his sore arm is the big story of this franchise . . . Sincerely, An appreciative reader . . .”

Well, well, well. This is right in our wheelhouse. And yet the head of our research staff (here he is, with a group of CFG interns) is feeling the pressure. “Yes, big boss, I jumps in it,” he said. “I leave no stone on ground.” Several hours later we had our answer: “I think Mister Stephen in Arizona, mmmmm … chance maybe not so good,” he said. “Maybe boy in L.A. pitch good. Maybe, maybe not. I dunno.” And then he puckered his lips and kissed his miniature giraffe . . .

The pride of the N.L. Central, the Phillies of the Midwest, the North Side Drama Queens are “sinking like a stone,” have “bought the baseball farm,” have “reached the bottom of the barrel.” There is no cliche perfect enough to describe the extinction level event that has become your Chicago Cubs. Think it can’t get worse? It can, because it has. The Wrigley’s have now lost six in a row, and it hasn’t been pretty. The North Siders dropped what might have passed for a softball exhibition game to the Brew Crew last night by a score of 18-1. Repeat after me: 18-1. You can expect some of those kinds of games (where nothing in the world goes right), but the Cubs play them regularly, with aplomb and with no apparent loss of sleep. Over the last six games, the Cubs have been outscored 63-17.

The cataclysm has Cubs’ fans in an uproar. And the promised makeover might be years, not months, away — the Baby Bears are stuck with huge contracts to a number of perennial head cases (Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Zambrano) and, as of July 31, were only able to rid themselves of their two best players. Way to go Jim, nice job. When in doubt, get rid of those keeping you afloat. This just in: after thinking about it for less than a milisecond, Ryan Theriot told a reporter (stop the presses) that he likes being in L.A. Really? No kidding. Worse yet: this team went nova entirely on its own; this has nothing to do with fan interference in foul ground. It’s their own damn fault, as even the most diehard Wrigleyville partisans will now admit. It’s a sad and sorry story, but (like a car wreck) you can’t avert your eyes. In a strange (and sick) kind of way, it’s almost fun to watch. Unless you’re Lou.