Who are these guys anyway? Over in Minnesota (they have a team — and it plays in a division called the A.L. Central), the Twinkies have been pounding the snot out of anyone who shows up in Target Field. After the Nats win on MASN (that oughta up their Arbitron ratings), I switched over just in time to hear the Twinkies’ announcers talk about “that kid Valencia” — a rookie third baseman who recently stroked four homes runs in four at bats. The pride of Boca Raton was picked in the 19th round (the 19th round) of the 2006 draft. Valencia moved effortlessly through the Twins system, until he showed up this year in June, and commenced putting on a hitting display. The Twins have just about everything else, so why not a little hitting? And — oh yes: the Twins won tonight, so they are almost (but not quite) the division champs, depending on how the Pale Hose fare. It doesn’t matter, stick a fork in the White Sox. They’re done . . .

Speaking of new guys: The Angels are taking a look at a catcher by the name of Hank Conger, who was drafted ahead of Valencia in 2006 (25th overall). Conger isn’t like most catchers, he’s fast. He smacked a hard triple tonight against the Rangers and by the time that Dwayne Murphy retrieved it, Conger was rounding second. It was a little strange watching Conger, because he reminded me of (okay, this is a little . . . well . . . remote) former Cub, Marlin and Dodger first bagger Hee-Seop Choi, who had a wicked quick bat — albeit not one that gave him a long career in the majors. Choi played only four seasons in the bigs, and will no doubt be remembered as the guy the Marlins got for Derrick Lee (what the hell was Miami thinking). Sure enough, Conger (it turns out) is Hyun Choi Conger, a California native who (despite the obvious resemblance) might be Hee-Seop’s younger brother: a straight-up stance and an out-of-the-batter’s box speed that makes infielders hurry their throw. Conger’s numbers in the minors are outstanding, his defense is reportedly first-rate and he’s moved through the system quickly. The Belinskis are auditioning Conger for their number two (behind former Gold Glover Mike Napoli), which isn’t a surprise — Jeff Mathis is hitting Willie Harris numbers (actually, a little better –  at .193). Hee-Seop Choi, by the way, now plays professionally in Korea . . .

Nats fans will be saddened to note that Felipe Lopez, the former slick fielding second sacker for our very own Half Street Nine, was released today by the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cardinals weren’t going to keep the struggling Lopez in any event, but his official release struck me as oddly timed, coming two weeks before the end of the season. A slap, really, at an MLB veteran who has (from time to time — including this year) played well. Sure enough: the Cardinals said they were fed up with Lopez’s attitude. Hmmm. Imagine that. The ten year veteran (he started in Toronto in 2001 before moving on to Cincinnati), had an okay career that could have been a lot better. His years with the Nats were fairly typical: he played with fire in his first months, then tailed off, then got lazy. It would be a surprise to see any team give him another shot . . .

The New Twinkie: Danny Valencia

Wil Nieves isn’t often the hero, but he was on Wednesday night against the Colorado Rockies. A Wil Nieves’ RBI double in the eighth inning ensured the Nationals a 6-4 victory over the always tough Colorado Rockies. With two runners on in the eighth, Nieves took a 1-0 pitch deep to left center, bringng the Nats back to one game over .500 early in the 2010 campaign. Nieves’ double came off of Rockies’ reliever Rafael Betancourt, breaking open the 4-4 game.”He just hung a slider up and away,” Nieves said. “I put a good swing on it and put it in the gap. I saw [center fielder] Dexter Fowler out there and he can run, but when I saw it drop, it was a huge double.” Nats’ starter John Lannan seemed to struggle in the early part of the game, but he kept his team close — scattering 11 hits over six innings before being relieved by Tyler Clippard, the Nats’ emerging middle relief expert.

Clippard was exceptional, throwing two innings of one-hit ball with three strikeouts. Only one Rockie was able to get to Clippard, with a measly single. “I have a good feel for my pitches right now,” Clippard said. “My whole career, I have always been successful against lefties and righties. For whatever reason, I have a good changeup and I will throw some pitches that will run in on your hands sometimes.” Clippard is now 3-0 on the season and sports a head-turning 0.77 ERA. While the 2010 season is still young, the Nats are playing well and the team’s scary middle-of-the-lineup is just now starting to hit.  Ryan Zimmerman, Adam Dunn and Josh Willingham were a combined 6-11, with Dunn raising his average to just under the Mendoza line. Washington closer Matt Capps registered his sixth save in as many chances.

Those Are The Details And Now For The Headlines: All is not right down along Half Street — Ryan Zimmerman grabbed his hamstring in the 7th inning on Wednesday and may have to sit out Thursday’s game. Zimmerman, who says he is seeing the ball well and starting to hit his stride, says he believes the tightness in his hamstring is the result of a cramp — and unrelated to the soreness in his hamstring that he suffered last week. “It’s the last thing I want to happen,” he said . . . Jason Marquis is now on the disabled list. Marquis has struggled with the Nats and his injury may have something to do with that. He is reported to have bone chips in his elbow. Marquis is embarrassed by his recent outings, and he should be: Felipe Lopez has a better ERA.

Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman both went deep for the Nationals, but the big blow in the Anacostia Nine’s 5-3 win at Miami was Mike Morse’s pinch-hit double that provided the difference in the win. Dunn recorded his 37th and Zimmerman his 29th home runs, while J.D. Martin pitched a respectable five complete to give the Nats the win. But Morse was the big story. “He’s gotten some big hits for us,” Nats interim manager Jim Riggleman said of Morse after the game. “That’s twice now that he’s driven in two runs and he’s doing it against right-handed pitching. It’s tough to go up there and pinch-hit, and he’s gotten two two-out hits now. You try to match guys up against left-handers, but those situations haven’t come up and Mike has found a way to stay sharp through his batting practice and his work with [hitting coach] Rick [Eckstein]. He’s prepared and he’s given us great at-bats.”

Ryan Zimmerman celebrates his 29th

The inimitable Carpenter-Dibble duo commented at length on the suggested switch during the Nats broadcast vs. the Marlins on Friday night, with Dibble noting the history of successful position switches in the majors: Michael Young made the transition from short to third in Texas this year, he noted, and “let’s not forget” (Dibs said) that Alex Rodriguez also made the shift from short to third. Of course (as Dibble failed to note) it’s not as if either Young or Rodriguez shifted positions because they were defensive liabilities, but to ensure that two natural shortstops –  slick fielding Texas rookie Elvis Andrus and bound-for-the-hall Yankee Derek Jeter — remained at their positions. So let’s get this out of the way: the Nats want to shift Guzman not to take advantage of his abilities, but because they want to hide them. That is, the shift is hung on the rather dubious proposition that bad shortstops are not quite as bad when they play second base. 

Dave Cameron over at FanGraphs attempts to unpack that argument — but without really unpacking it. He says that ”if Guzman has lost significant range  . . . then it is quite possible that the Nationals will get a larger benefit from reducing the amount of balls hit in his direction than they would by squeezing a marginally better bat into the line-up at second base.” Which means two things: it means that because second basemen get fewer chances Guzman will make fewer errors and it also means that getting a better bat at second won’t make up for Guzman’s weaknesses at short. But even that’s only a part of the picture. The real question here is not about how to match Guzman’s production at the plate, but how to cover up his weaknesses in the field: having failed to field ground balls at shortstop, can we really expect Guzman to field them at second? 

And the answer to that question is “no.” Teams don’t get better by hiding their defensive liabilities, but by replacing them — unless . . . (and it’s a pretty big and very important unless) . . . unless that defensive liability meets two other criteria: you can hide the defensive liability by playing him at first base and the defensive liability hits over forty homers a year. Unfortunately for the Nats (and for Guzman), the position of  “don’t-worry-about-the-errors-this- brawler-can-hit” is already taken. Then too, shifting Guzman to second because it seems as if it’s an easier position to play doesn’t make sense. Because it’s not true. Not only do second basemen often (but not always) get the same number of chances at second as a shortstop, but playing second doesn’t mean they don’t have to occasionally sprint to their right or left. Plus (plus!) second basemen have to make the turn on a double play. That oughta be easy for Cristian, especially with a gimpy foot. But rest assured, Mike Rizzo said he told Guzman that such a shift has been done before — and successfully. Lots of shortstops have made the move to second and they’ve benefitted from it. You know, like Felipe Lopez. So . . . so what’s really going on here?

My sense is that for all of the tortured explanations given by Rizzo and Riggleman, the Guzman-to-second bandwagon is being contemplated for any number of reasons: none of them having to do with Guzman’s glove. Rizzo might be calculating that trading Guzman is not a good idea, because the return on him would not be nearly enough to compensate for the loss of his bat. Then too, Rizzo must know that there wouldn’t be many takers for a guy who’s still owed $8 million. And  . . . and if you really want to trade Guzman, why would you signal that you think his glove is a liability (by saying you’ll shift him to second) and why would you tell every team in the league that the reason his glove is bad is because he’s injured. I can just imagine what Mike might say: “listen, we have this no glove injured shortstop who we owe $8 million — what can you give us?” It could be that Rizzo has his eye on a hotshot shortstop that he can pick up as a free agent: but I’ll be damned if I can find one worth any amount of money. Or it could be (it just could be) that Rizzo is thinking that if you’re really (absolutely no-matter-what) committed to hotshot rookie Ian Desmond and you really don’t want to lose Guzman’s bat, there’s only one way to do it: and that’s keep them both  — and play them both. Maybe. But that’s a hell of a gamble.

The Milwaukee Brewers and Washington Nationals banged out a total of 21 runs with 26 hits on Saturday, but the Nats ended up on the losing end of one of the team’s more depressing slugfests. Worse yet, Washington ace John Lannan was forced out of the game in the second frame, with Milwaukee leading 6-0. The D.C. bullpen proved no better, though Washington hitters tied the game at 8 in the bottom of the fourth. Every Washington reliever, with the exception of Mike “Heart Attack” MacDougal gave up at least one hit and one run. The Nationals are now 17-19 under interim skipper Jim Riggleman, who was tossed in the third frame for arguing balls and strikes. Strangely, particularly for a game like this, Washington’s biggest bats were silent — Ryan Zimmerman, Adam Dunn and Elijah Dukes were a combined 0-11. The highlight of the game was a Ronnie Belliard grand slam in the third off of Brewers’ starter Mike Burns. Belliard accounted for four RBIs.

Lopez is hitting .315 for the Crew

Milwaukee second baseman and former Nats, Felipe Lopez — who had harsh words to say about the Nats after being released by the team last year — was 4-6 with two RBIs. Lopez, who came to Milwaukee from Arizona, raised his season BA to .315. MASN announcer Bob Carpenter commented on Lopez that “when he’s motivated” he plays well, another way of saying that Lopez looked terrible in Washington last year, when his play around second was indifferent and his poor at-bats (.234 and two home runs in exactly 100 games) made him expendable. Lopez looked like a player transformed on Saturday — and he continues to hit well for Milwaukee. Lopez is now with his sixth major league team, having begun his career with Toronto in 2001.

OK, the John Patterson era is over. It’s time to look seriously at what the Nats are going to do about their pathetic pitching staff.

Here are some of the options –

1) Sign someone off the junk heap. Candidates include:

- Rag-arm Jeff Weaver

- Human dough-boy David Wells

- Meatball specialist Rodrigo Lopez

Not a pretty picture.

2) Suck it up with Odalis Perez and Tim Redding

3) Make a deal.

Let’s not kid ourselves. As much as we’d like to unload the anemic Felipe Lopez, we don’t have much to offer. As much as I loath to suggest this, my friend Mark makes a good case for dealing our most valuable pitcher – the Chief.