The Cubs dismissed G.M. Jim Hendry on Friday — who was tearful and blubbery in his departure (“whaddayou, Jim, some kinda Hollywood finocchio . . .?). But the firing wasn’t exactly a surprise. The Cubs are going nowhere, and a lot of that has to do with the contract decisions that Hendry inked: $136 million to Alfonso Soriano, $91.5 for Carlos Zambrano, $48 million for Kosuke Fukudome and $10 million for a single year to Carlos Pena. The Cubs have started to shed some of that, but they need to do more, a lot more.

Aaron Boone and the BBTN crowd over at ESPN were asked the three things they would do now, if they were the Cubs, and they talked of clubhouse character and finding good talent — all of it good advice. But transforming the Cubs will take more than adding good players at reasonable prices, and saying that the team needs to “change the culture of losing” doesn’t help. What exactly does that mean? So here, unbidden, are our three simple ideas of what the Cubs can do.

First, show some patience. The best pitcher in the Cubs system is now in Tampa Bay — and his name is Chris Archer. The 6-3 righty was traded, with a packet of prospects, for Matt Garza last winter. Garza is plenty good, but Archer could be a lot better. The Cubs will never know, because they got impatient, and Garza looked attractive. This is an almost genetic habit of the North Side Drama Queens. Enough already: develop players and hang on to them. Like they have done (finally, blessedly) with Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney. Listen (you stupid jerks), instead of shipping out Josh Vitters (he can play third, for Aramis Ramirez — who’s going to get injured again, any minute now) and Tyler Colvin, play them. And when they don’t play well, play them anyway . . .

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The Washington Nationals outhit, outpitched, outran and outscored the Philadelphia Phillies, 4-2 on Friday night in one of the best showings from the team in weeks. Livan Hernandez was the major story for the Nationals: the aging righty not only threw 6.2 innings of four hit ball, he went 2-3 at the plate and drove in two runs.

Hernandez was nearly flawless in his outing against Philadelphia — after three rough outings in a row (against the Rockies, Braves and Marlins). Livo threw only 89 pitches, but 51 of them were strikes, as his curve and slider baffled Philadelphia hitters, including traditional Nats’ swatters Hunter Pence and Raul Ibanez, who were a combined 1-6. Tyler Clippard notched his 30th hold, while Drew Storen registered his 31st save.

Hernandez admitted that, in his previous outings, his curveball was, as he said, “all over the place.” That wasn’t true on Friday. “Tonight, the curveball was working perfectly,” Hernandez said after the victory. “I felt really good. In Colorado, it’s a little difficult for a pitcher like me to throw the curveball and slider. I felt really good today. Everything was working perfectly.”

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: Chicago Cubs starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano was ejected from Friday night’s game against the Braves after throwing at Chipper Jones . . . twice. Following his ejection, Zambrano cleared out his locker and said that he was retiring. Those close to Zambrano say that he was undoubtedly embarrassed by the incident — but that it would be difficult, given his previous behavior, for the Cubs to welcome him back. G.M. Jim Hendry blew Zambrano a good-bye kiss: ‘‘We will respect his wishes and honor them,’’ Hendry said, ‘‘and move forward.’’

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Wilson Ramos missed a sign in the seventh inning on Wednesday, hitting away while Michael Morse sprinted down the third base line on a called squeeze play. Ramos realized what was happening just in time, fouled off the pitch, then walked up the third base line to consult with third base coach Bo Porter. After taking the next pitch, Ramos got it right — laying down a perfect bunt to score Morse and secure yet another one run victory (a 5-4 win), their third in a row against the cratering Cubs.

Calling for a second squeeze after a blown first one is risky. Which is why Davey Johnson figured the Cubs wouldn’t be ready. “You look at the situation, and all the components actually work to our favor,” Porter said after the victory. “You have a guy who doesn’t run as well at the plate. You have a guy who doesn’t run that well at third base and you don’t really want to send him on contact. And in all of my years of baseball, I’ve always said this: Catchers are normally the best bunters.”

The Nationals win tied them with the New York Mets in the N.L. East and put them two games over .500. But three other story lines emerged on Wednesday: Ryan Zimmerman finally seemed to get on track (3-4, with two RBIs and his fourth homer), the Nats’ line-up busted out for 13 hits (Bernadina, Morse and Ramos had two each), and the Nationals’ bullpen once again came through in the late innings: Ryan Mattheus, Henry Rodriguez and Drew Storen combined to hold the Slugs to one hit and no runs — standard work for a unit that keeps the team in games and the Nats in the win column.

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: Cubbie fans are beside themselves with worry. Bleed Cubbie Blue points out that the North Side Drama Queens are 5-26 when they allow opponents to score in the first inning — which they have done in all three of their losses against the Nationals . . .

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Atlanta Braves hurler Derek Lowe is puzzled: while the Braves sometime ace remains an effective starter against much of the National League (even while sporting a so-so 11-11 record), he can’t seem to beat the Nats. The last time Lowe beat the Anacostia Nine was last August, but he’s been winless against the Nats Nine since, a record of futility that the imposing righthander (6-5, 230) has trouble squaring with Washington’s losing record. “I can’t remember the last time that I beat the Nationals,” Lowe said in the wake of the Tomahawks’ 6-2 loss to the Nationals on Thursday. “They’ve given me a rough time.” But it was not so much Lowe’s pitching (seven innings with 6 hits), as it was a combination of the pitching from Washington starter John Lannan (who went a strong 5.1) and a no-hits bullpen that caused the Braves fits. When coupled with big hits from Michael Morse and Willie Harris, the Nats looked unstoppable, picking up a much-needed win (that’s number 52 on the season). The Nats now head into Philadelphia, where they’ll face the red-hot Ashburns.

The Quicker Picker Upper: The inevitable has happened in Chicago, with Cubs’ General Manager Jim Hendry cleaning out the stables of the sinking-like-a-stone North Side Drama Queens. The trade of the ever-popular Ryan Theriot and Ted Lilly (their most effective starter) to Los Angeles at the trade deadline was followed by the careless unloading of steady but unimpressive Mike Fontenot to the McCoveys. Now, in what can only be considered an official waving of the white flag, the Cubs have unloaded their most productive, good-glove-and-bat first baseman Derrek Lee, who went to the Braves for three maybes. The successive trades mark a generational shift in the future of the Cubs, as the front office has apparently decided that Theriot-Lilly-Fontenot-Lee powerhouse of just a few years ago has gotten too old and too mediocre to bring a pennant (or World Series championship) to the Windy City. The issue is not whether the trades should have been made, but why they weren’t made earlier. “None of us thought this was going to happen this year. We really didn’t,” Hendry said in annoucing the trade of Lee. ”It will be good for (Lee) and from that regard, I’m happy for him. But the overall situation we’re in kind of makes us all stumble between miserable and sad every day.”

Miserable? Sad? The Cubs just dropped four straight to the Padres and are a worse team than the Nats — much worse. So while Cubs fans might have been expected to be marching on Wrigley in protest at Lee’s departure, the Cubs blogosphere has viewed the trade as inevitable — and necessary. Al Yellon over at Bleed Cubbie Blue probably said it best, mixing respect for Lee with a sighing confirmation that the Cubs’ future did not include the impressive first baseman. “I salute D-Lee for his classy demeanor on and off the field,” Yellon wrote. “Some here complain that he wasn’t demonstrative enough on the field and though he was seen as a team leader, many wanted him to ‘show it’ more, though I’m not quite sure how you do that.” While Cubs fans remain oddly contemplative (there’s usually lynching parties at this point) the scapegoating of Hendry (well, perhaps for good reason) and the coaching staff has begun.

That’s probably unnecessary. The imminent departure of Lou Piniella is bound to be followed by the displacement of pitching coach Larry Rothschild, as the Ricketts’ family retools to a younger staff that reflects a younger team. Is there reason for hope? Yes. And no. The Cubs are able to field one of the game’s best young outfielders in Tyler Colvin and one of its best young shortstops in Starlin Castro. But the team’s starting pitching is a catastrophe — with few young phenoms coming up in the minors. Which is why Hendry is trading his front line for a few maybes, all of them arms. Which means that the Cubs new rotation and bullpen (with some exceptions) is now filled with a gaggle of no-names, like Thomas Diamond, Justin Berg, Mitch Atkins, Marcos Mateo and James Russell — each of these guys with (as they say) “a tremendous upside.” Roughly translation: we might, or might not, ever hear of them again.

On Monday night in Phoenix, Livan Hernandez showed once again why he remains the acknowledged ace of the Washington Nationals staff. In  7.1 innings of solid in-and-out and up-and-down pitching, Hernandez surrendered just five hits to his former teammates in Arizona and the Nationals notched a much-needed road win 3-1. “[Hernandez] was outstanding,” Nats skipper Jim Riggleman said after the win. “I hated that last walk he had, because I was going to let him finish that inning and maybe finish the ballgame. When he’s throwing like that, hitting spots and keeping hitters off balance, it is one of those nights where he can go nine [innings].” Livan’s performance was matched by Nats’ catcher Ivan Rodriguez, whose second inning dinger was his 300th as a catcher. Sean Burnett closed the game, striking out two of the D-Backs last five hitters.

The Wisdom of Section 1-2-9: Sunday’s loss to the Phillies, a contest in which the Nats might have notched a sweep against their I-95 competitors, was emotionally churning, in large part because of the flood of Phillies fans — in town to cheer on their favorites. The tide of Pony partisans left Nats’ fans as embittered on Sunday as they had been at the end of Opening Day. “These people ought to stay the f — home,” a Curly W supporter muttered in the 6th inning. “This is sickening, not necessary,” another said. “Are we required to sell these people tickets?” But unlike Opening Day, the Nats apparently had it all figured out: MASN broadcaster Bob Carpenter kept talking about the “growing rivalry” between the clubs, as if to protect that Nats front office from the decision to fill the seats — no matter what.”It’ll be a rivalry when we put 20,000 fans in PNC Park,” a Nats fan growled, “and not until.” Cooler heads did not prevail: “It’ll turn around,” a Nats fan opined, and was answered by a glum rooter in one of the forward rows. “Yeah, it’ll turn around,” he said, “when the Nats get into the post-season.” There were also mutterings when a fan arrived late, proudly sporting a new Donovan McNabb jersey: “Wrong jersey, wrong ballpark, wrong team, wrong sport . . .”

Those Are The Details, Now For The Headlines: The exchange on the health of “the kid” between CFG and one of our readers has become a torrent. Here’s the latest: “Dear editor: Thanks for your prompt and thoughtful response. Since that give-and-take worked so well, one further suggestion if I might: as the days pass with Saint Stephen on the sideline (now hopefully on the mend), could CFG please regularly update his physical and mental condition as warranted – including any medical info/predictions and gossip picked up from the various sources/websites perused constantly by CFG’s staff.  Many of your readers don’t always have the time to collect this valuable information — and rely on you to provide it. Please don’t lose track of the essential truth of this situation:  the fate of his sore arm is the big story of this franchise . . . Sincerely, An appreciative reader . . .”

Well, well, well. This is right in our wheelhouse. And yet the head of our research staff (here he is, with a group of CFG interns) is feeling the pressure. “Yes, big boss, I jumps in it,” he said. “I leave no stone on ground.” Several hours later we had our answer: “I think Mister Stephen in Arizona, mmmmm … chance maybe not so good,” he said. “Maybe boy in L.A. pitch good. Maybe, maybe not. I dunno.” And then he puckered his lips and kissed his miniature giraffe . . .

The pride of the N.L. Central, the Phillies of the Midwest, the North Side Drama Queens are “sinking like a stone,” have “bought the baseball farm,” have “reached the bottom of the barrel.” There is no cliche perfect enough to describe the extinction level event that has become your Chicago Cubs. Think it can’t get worse? It can, because it has. The Wrigley’s have now lost six in a row, and it hasn’t been pretty. The North Siders dropped what might have passed for a softball exhibition game to the Brew Crew last night by a score of 18-1. Repeat after me: 18-1. You can expect some of those kinds of games (where nothing in the world goes right), but the Cubs play them regularly, with aplomb and with no apparent loss of sleep. Over the last six games, the Cubs have been outscored 63-17.

The cataclysm has Cubs’ fans in an uproar. And the promised makeover might be years, not months, away — the Baby Bears are stuck with huge contracts to a number of perennial head cases (Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Zambrano) and, as of July 31, were only able to rid themselves of their two best players. Way to go Jim, nice job. When in doubt, get rid of those keeping you afloat. This just in: after thinking about it for less than a milisecond, Ryan Theriot told a reporter (stop the presses) that he likes being in L.A. Really? No kidding. Worse yet: this team went nova entirely on its own; this has nothing to do with fan interference in foul ground. It’s their own damn fault, as even the most diehard Wrigleyville partisans will now admit. It’s a sad and sorry story, but (like a car wreck) you can’t avert your eyes. In a strange (and sick) kind of way, it’s almost fun to watch. Unless you’re Lou.

The Washington Nationals rallied for their second game in a row, beating the Milwaukee Brewers 5-3, behind Adam Kennedy’s eighth inning single. Kennedy’s hit went just under the outstretched glove of Brewer Prince Fielder, chasing across two runs and sealing the game. Matt Capps came on in the ninth for his fifth save in five attempts. The Nats are now an unlikely 5-5 on the season. “It’s coming together a little bit, slowly,” Riggleman said. “Piece by piece, it’s coming together. But I really feel that certainly we’re not playing at the top of our games by any means. I’m just really glad the way they’re scrapping and getting after it.”

Kennedy’s clutch at-bat came in a game where the Nats were missing two of their key pieces: Adam Dunn was ejected in the first inning for throwing his helmut on a called third strike by the third base ump, and Ryan Zimmerman remained sidelined by a sore hamstring. But the Nats, using their new-found team speed and their hitting-for-singles approach, were able to squeeze out the victory.”When you can win games and you haven’t played great, it’s a really good sign,” Kennedy said. “It should be a fun year.” Kennedy, who’s been struggling at the plate in the early going, raised his average to .214, providing needed defense at third and first. When Dunn was ejected, Riggleman shuffled his defense, putting the Nats’ newest super utilityman Alberto Gonzalez at third.

While starter John Lannan did not register the win, he was effective for the first time in three season outings. Lannan pitched a full seven innings, scattering seven hits while striking out five. The lefty was able to work through the middle of the Brewers’ order, feasting off the light-hitting lumber at the bottom of Milwaukee’s line-up. Milwaukee’s sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth hitters went a combined 0-12 against the lefty. “It shows we have a lot of depth,” Lannan said. “We’ve been able to win games. I don’t think we’ve hit our stride. We’re just building off each win.” Washington’s victim was Brewers’ reliever LeTroy Hawkins, who appeared in his second consecutive poor outing. Hawkins signed a two-year $7.5 million deal in the off-season, but has been a disappointment.

The Worst Free Agent Contract In The Majors? There are rumors that the Chicago Cubs are actually considering unloading the atmospheric contract of left fielder Alfonso Soriano — by releasing him. The rumors apparently began when baseball beat reporter David Brown circulated an update on the Cubs’ frustrations over Soriano’s lack of defense — and detailed the options the Cubs might have in dealing with their flighty star. Rob Neyer repeated and expanded on these concerns, highlighting Cubs’ manager Lou Piniella’s growing anger at Soriano’s inability to play an even average left field: Soriano dropped a fly ball against the Reds last Sunday and misplayed two others against the Brewers. Soriano’s free agent contract is among the most bloated in baseball: he’s due to get paid $18 million a season until 2014.

Reporter David Horowitz is one of Soriano’s most outspoken critics, channeling (in Bleacher Report), what has to be considered an authoritative inside-the-clubhouse judgment: “What does this guy do? If he can’t hit, he’s worthless. And he’s not hitting. Even when he does hit, at least in the past, he would get in streaks where you couldn’t get him out and he could carry a team. That’s why he got that contract,” Horowitz wrote last week. “But when he wasn’t hot, you would be better off with that little leaguer at the plate, because he’s a sure out. He has no plate discipline and he tries to pull everything. He has no plan when he steps up to the plate other than praying that the pitcher will throw him a fastball in his zone.” The Arlington Heights Daily Herald, a sometime-source on the North Side Drama Queens, headlined the Soriano reports — “Break out or you sit out!”

But could the Cubs actually release Soriano? It’s not as if they don’t have options: Xavier Nady is better defensively and is starting to hit, and the Sluggies have what some observers dub a Joe Dimaggio-in-waiting — future superstar Tyler Colvin, who’s hot Spring bat won him a place on the club and the support of the legion of Cubs’ rooters nationwide. The Cubs brain trust, meanwhile, is carefully adding wood to the bonfire — perhaps as a way of sending the tone deaf Soriano a message. Lou Piniella expressed confidence in Soriano, but he then replaced him in the outfield with Colvin on the day following Soriano’s embarrassing left field gaffe. Cubs GM Jim Hendry was not nearly so careful: he denied that the Cubs were thinking about releasing Soriano, but only after pointedly saying that playing time “will not be determined by salary.” Hendry’s got it right, of course: the Ricketts’ family might be rich — but they’re not that rich.

C’mon Jorge, throw a strike! Thus, the fervent plea of Nats fans last night, as Jorge Sosa worked his way through the Cubs line-up (nearly the entire Cub line-up as it turns out) in Wrigley Field. Sosa, who has been episodically efficient this year, served as the Cubs’s pin cushion while Jim Riggleman and his gaggle of coaches counted off the interminable minutes until the end of the game — which saw the Cubs slug out a 9-4 win at Wrigley Field on Wednesday night. Sosa pitched one-third of an inning and gave up five earned runs, one of the most futile performances by the Nats’ bullpen of the year: which is saying something. What the score does not reflect is that the game was actually within reach. New Nats addition Livan Hernandez, signed by the Nats on Tuesday night, pitched effectively over six complete innings — giving up five hits and striking out six.

The Nats’ loss was dampened, somewhat, by the appearance of Hernandez. It seemed almost as if a weight had been lifted from the team: a sure sign that a wily veteran, “the master,” had returned (and not a moment too soon) – and brought his toolkit: a ball that moves in and out and down at strange and unpredicted speeds and a fastball (just 85 mph) that is high, but not too high; just high enough for a guy like Derrek Lee to think that he might put it into the seats (but swing under it). Hernandez has to be the most phlegmatic pitcher in baseball. He walks slowly to the mound, and slowly off and his expression, whether the game is 9-0 in his favor, or against, rarely changes. So it was last night, when Milton “Board Game” Bradley put a two run homer into the seats at Wrigley, sparking a sure Cubs win. Hernandez, undisturbed, pawed tentatively at the dirt with the toe of his right cleat and went back to work.

The two couldn’t be more different. After last night’s game, Hernandez stood next to his locker and talked to reporters about what it’s like to be back with the Nats — a team, a franchise and a city that he’s always liked. ”It’s nice to be back,” Hernandez said. “I love the city. I’ve been asking every year to go back. Inside, it’s very emotional. I’m very happy. I like to thank the people here for giving me a chance to come back.” On the other side of the field, Milton Bradley couldn’t wait to get dressed and out of the way of the reporters waiting to talk with him. A bad season? A poor attitude? Bradley blamed the fans, saying they “hated” him. He once famously said of the bleacher jeers at Wrigley:“I just pray the game is nine innings, so I can be out there the least amount of time as possible and go home.” The Cubs would love to accomodate him.

It was a lot worse the night before — after the Nats pummeled the Cubs for fifteen runs. ”When I go home and look in the mirror, I like what I see,” Bradley told reporters. “My family is there; I have people I can talk to who are very supportive, in spite of everything and all the adversity and the hatred you face on a daily basis. But I’ll be all right. I always have. I’m talking about hatred, period. I’m talking about when I go to eat at a restaurant. I’ve got to listen to the waiters badmouthing me at another table, sitting in a restaurant. That’s what I’m talking about. Everything.” Phew. Not surprisingly, Chicago Cubs reporters and blogs have had a field day. “We Don’t Hate You,” intoned one, “You Just Stink.” Apparently after his two run home run against Hernandez on Wednesday, Bradley made “a hand gesture” to fans — who were cheering him. The results of “the hand gesture” might have lit up Chicago’s Magnificent Mile: “I have some very simple advice for Bradley,” a reporter later editorialized, “shut up and perform, and the fans won’t hate you so much.” Ah … it might be too late for that.

So it goes in Chicago — where the full effect of losing when you’re picked to win is now on full display: an embittered  player that is being paid $61,00 per game is blaming everyone but himself, and a general manager who is continually reminded that the two players he might have had (this one – and this one) are not only better and are not only headed to the post season, they were actually a hell of a lot cheaper. Never mind. He took a pass. He wanted Milton Bradley. And so, it seems, there’s only one way to describe this . . .